I keep thinking that things will get better. The worse thing are, the sooner they’ll turn around and change, right? I suppose it’s childish of me to act like he cares, but sometimes it feels like he gives a shit. Becka hates how he “blows me off”. I agree. I hate how he lives so far away, how he doesn’t seem to get it. If he’s so in tune with his Pisces, can’t he feel me screaming from the inside, telling him to wake up and realize what’s in front of his face? Let’s face it: the boy is crazy. People have told me he’s crazy. He’s told me he’s crazy. I know, he’s crazy. But I don’t care. Obviously not at all. I feel myself distancing from him, and although I want it, I keep pulling closer, hanging around, wearing myself out and breaking myself down with every stupid lingering hug. Despite all my rage, I’m still just a rat in a cage.

I have an appointment at Dr. Patinson’s today. She’ll probably do what my family wants, more pills, more treatment, more shit I don’t want and can’t deal with. The fact that I have to bus it there makes me less keen to go, but I need to get out of the apartment, away from all this mess, away from Alisa’s sickness and consistent bitch demeanor. The whole place reeks like Nina. It’s fucking gross. Why doesn’t she realize that she smells HORRIBLE. She calls me a hippie, but I shower daily and don’t stick up entire rooms upon entering. I know it sounds like I’m exaggerating, but I’m not. It’s disgusting and I can’t deal with it anymore.

I can’t deal. Deal. Deal. Deal. Can’t. Can’t. Can’t deal. I. Can’t. Deal.

At least my birthday is this Friday. Actually, that may be the cause of it all. The people I want there won’t or can’t go, and all the people who will are drug-related friendships that I need to snuff, not encourage. I never thought it would be like this. Guess I’ll just have to deal.

I haven’t really had a reason to write anything on here, UNTIL NOW: I’m leaving for Mexico in…17 hours. Okay, not so impressive, I know, but I’m still leaving really soon! People keep asking me if I’m going to get wasted of my ass, and then give me a confused look when I tell them I’m going to build a house. A vacation would be fun, but I’d rather go somewhere I want to go. This is just because…

I don’t want to finish that sentence. I’m done writing this. Too much meragerwenna. It’s Native American. Seriously.

freedom is like sour patch kids

although vegan and delicious, they'll rip out your tongue if you eat them incorrectly

beginners mistake. i can destroy a whole bag keeping every single taste bud intact

that should be worth one of those ropes they give out for graduation

“For if one drinks too much from a bottle marked posion, it is almost certain to disagree with one sooner or later.”

Pretty much. I'm so tired of school. At least we have Monday off. People are getting more annoying and teachers just get on my nerves and all I want to do is curl up in a cornor and sleep. I sure hope I can get my grades up. I need some motivation that isn't getting into a good college or my future or shit like that. I need some motivation. Where is my motivation? 

Your Inner Blood Type is Type B

You follow your own rules in life, even if you change the rules every day. Sure, you tend to be off the wall and unpredictable, but that's what makes you lovable. And even though you're a wild child, you have the tools to be a great success. You are able to concentrate intently - and make the impossible possible. You are most compatible with: B and AB Famous Type B's: Leonardo Di Caprio and

( get yo back at the wall )